How to Turn Regret into Action: The Surprising Power of a Simple Thank You Message.
Like me, I bet you’ve had that nagging feeling. The one that whispers, “I wish I had…” It can speak to us in the most unlikely places. For me, it’s at the bottom of three and a half steps of the local crematorium.
It's strange - there are three and a half steps that exit the local crematorium.
That last half a step has confused me for years. Why make the last step smaller than the size of the rest? Mystery. But it’s come to remind me life is not always predictable, or straightforward.
And there is something I can do about that today that will help me avoid the painful feelings of regret tomorrow.
You can too if you take this action today.
I have had a few interesting conversations at the bottom of the steps. One stuck in mind since. It includes the phrase … I wish I had. That’s a question of regret, I suppose. A question I’ve asked myself and I bet you have as well.
At the bottom of those three and a bit steps, I say goodbye to families who have just said farewell to their loved one. I’ve stood at the same point most weeks for close to a decade or more. It is a privileged role, writing a eulogy, being a celebrant, and one I’m grateful to have.
Why do I stand at the bottom of those steps?
After several hours spent chatting with a family, writing a draft and then editing a eulogy, rehearsing, then delivering those words, I like to be there to say just say a final thank you. I don’t want to rush off in their futures, if I can help it.
I’m not seeking a compliment or praise standing there. But grateful, sometimes, people offer them.
Standing on the last half step, dressed in an autumn brown suit, a jarring contrast with an un-matching black tie brought out for the odd funeral, the man stopped, looked me deep in the eye and said, ‘Why don’t we say more nice things to the people we know and love when they are alive?’
I didn’t know what to say next.
He carried on.
‘Every funeral I attend, and as I’m getting older, I seem to go to more. The person who has died is remembered well. People like you stand there and say nice things and how good the person was. Now I’m wishing I’d told him those things when he was alive. I never did.’
Then, with a regretful heaviness, ‘And now it’s too late.’
Eulogies, by the definition of the word, are a speech or writing that praises someone.
It’s curious, isn’t it? Sad, perhaps? How we wait for a funeral to remember the good times, the laughter, and the lessons special people have brought into our lives.
Good words and authentic descriptions are what I try to bring to the eulogies I write. Not trying to make someone sound a saint if they weren’t, but capturing the true essence of the person. Finding an authentic way to tell the truth. Finding those ways people want to remember the good things and ways someone was. That’s one skill and creativity in the art of crafting a heartfelt eulogy.
But his conversation has stayed in my mind, and I try to live it as much as I can.
This is the critical point: turning that regret into action today.
It’s not about the grand gestures, but those seemingly insignificant moments of gratitude we express as we go through life one day, save the feeling of overwhelming regret.
A simple ‘thank you’ message could mean the world to someone. Both the recipient and the sender.
It appears saying how much we appreciate someone and are grateful for their kindness, encouragement or love they have brought into our lives does us good just as much!
Professor Martin Seligman’s Gratitude Letter exercise has proven to bring a sense of wellbeing into those who write and receive words of thanks.
So those three and half steps remind me how important it is to tell those people who I appreciate or am grateful for when I can… and while I can.
For one day, both options will run out of time.
Who is the one person you could affirm for their goodness, kindness, and love towards you today?
When I use the word encourager, who is the first person who comes to your mind? Could you tell them today how much you recognise they have been that to you?
What about the word grateful? Who makes your world brighter and better? Could you say thank you and tell them today?
Reach out, send that message, make that call, or write that letter. After all, those three and a half steps serve as a poignant reminder that we might not always get a second chance.
#memorial #eulogy #funeralservice #speechwriting #eulogywriting
A Simple Step-by-Step Process, Packed with Eulogy Writing Ideas, Help & Advice from a Professional Eulogy Writer.
